Sometimes There’s Very Little Left to Say

Okay. So here’s a round up of articles on the fabulously welcoming, intellectual and innovative game being released by EA games later this year. I will try to provide little comment. I promise.

EA Thinks: Killing unbaptized babies if funny, fun, and should be racked up as often as possible. No really, they’re advertising that as a selling point. I’m sure the rest of the game will be so cool, so awesome, that I’m SURE it’ll be worth ignoring these goofy little foibles. It’s tasteless, but harmless, right? Sure, keep reading.

EA Advertises: GIANT BOOB MONSTER.  Isn’t that classy? Opinion on all that aside, at the last Con I was at, they had the Inferno booth plopped right in the middle of the floor with the Breast Monster being the level to play on all the monitors for the kids to walk by. No warning. No attempt to hide the breasts from the viewing public, from the kids welcome to the vendor floor. Now, me, I don’t mind children seeing breasts when they are appropriate to see, as a non-sexual part of motherhood, but I am not all mothers and I can just imagine a woman bringing her son to go look at a new puzzle game for his DS, and having to pass by a giant Cleopatra spewing milk and babies for the ‘hero’ of the game to slaughter.

EA Says: Molest Booth Girls, Please.

Also, Dante’s Inferno as a God of War Clone? Really? Isn’t there anything less intellectual they could have picked? As a friend (Chuck Wendig) posted on his blog:

Electronic Arts really dicked up Dante’s Inferno. Sure, you apparently fight unbaptized babies and disembodied pairs of boobs. Yes, they have booth babes who will, I dunno, molest you or ask that you molest other booth babes or something. Really, though, the big issue is — they’ve just gone and dicked up totally excellent source material. No, it doesn’t lend itself immediately to a game perspective, but eff that ess, hombre. I could do you up a super-sweet, scary-ass adventure game told from Dante’s perspective. It wouldn’t need to be, say, ohhh, a ludicrous God of War clone where Dante is some kind of scythe-wielding psychopath. It’d be all moody and shit. You’d wet yourself, it’d be so good. You know what, game companies? Call me. I can do the same voodoo for you, but together we’ll rock the Aeneid, instead. Let’s make magic together. Also, pay me a lot. Magic ain’t cheap.

But hey, that’s just my opinion, (and, well, the opinion of a number of other bloggers and reporters) so I could be totally off.

-Filamena Young

  1. October 27, 2009 at 1:33 am

    You’re very kind.

    And it is so sad, isn’t it? What a giant car crash that game is going to be.

    — c.

  2. dreadpiraterose
    October 27, 2009 at 2:08 am

    I didn’t hang around long enough at GameX to catch the boobage in Danta’s Inferno’s exhibit. I did see a TON of kids playing it though. Good grief.

    • dreadpiraterose
      October 27, 2009 at 2:08 am

      er, “Dante’s”

  3. Danielle
    October 27, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    The fact that the lust level was displayed doesn’t really surprise me (if they are following Dante’s vision of Hell, then lust is the first real layer after limbo), though a warning for passing kids might have been nice. Plus, boobs sell.

    That said, that booth babe thing is… Well, what do you say to that, exactly? Unsurprisingly they’ve apologised for it, though the damage is already done. Now to see how they recover.

  4. October 28, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    Oh yeah, I remember the Boob-vision screen at the Con. I’m a big fan of boobs and I appreciate their display, but that was really tasteless.

    Though I don’t object to the Giant Boob Monster within the game, it’s placement at the Con, a family con, I might add, was totally inappropriate. It’s one thing for the game to have a Giant Boob Monster – it’s another to have it topless and roaring at a Convention. I can’t believe that there weren’t other portions of the game that might have been better suited to the Con audience. It’s important to consider your audience, people!

  5. Tara
    October 29, 2009 at 4:05 am

    I saw that, too. I was drawn to the display and then repulsed by the content.

    It pretty much reminded me of Ursula in Disney’s version of “The Little Mermaid.” The lesson? Maybe a woman with power is a threat. Maybe it’s okay for storytellers to villainize a middle-aged persona who is greedy for the literal voice of youth.

    Whatever the message is, it’s pretty sick that little boys are learning it in front of the console.

    Could you ever imagine a game marketed as epic featuring a female protagonist who slices the crap out of an enlarged phallus? It sounds ridiculous, yet for some reason, people think the boob demon isn’t.

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